so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this just has baby written all over it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
