Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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