Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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