dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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