just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
