Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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