I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
