I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
