oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
