Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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