The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
