can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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