i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just pee around me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
