i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
