it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
