just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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