she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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