my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
