she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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