I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
