whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i have two assholes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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