I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
