Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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