Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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