why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
