just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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