I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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