If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
