I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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