so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
