Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's get the cat blown out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My feet surprised me
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