Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
