drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
