If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly