I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
