i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you had me at cake vodka
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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