This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
