Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
