My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
