My Higher Power is John Stamos
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
