Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
