the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange