Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

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(925): View more from California

I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(336): View more from North Carolina

I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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(253): View more from Washington

Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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(417): View more from Missouri

So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today

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