you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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