Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

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(401): Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified. http://tfl.nu/2va0

Replies (27) Good night (5216) Bad night (997)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.

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(702): I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights. http://tfl.nu/kdxh

Replies (7) Good night (4046) Bad night (886)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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(267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a

Replies (5) Good night (2743) Bad night (1449)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

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(615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53

Replies (9) Good night (2948) Bad night (1190)
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(+75): View more from

It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more

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(+75): It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more http://tfl.nu/60s4

Replies (11) Good night (782) Bad night (2213)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever

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(847): I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever http://tfl.nu/aala

Replies (8) Good night (2757) Bad night (1113)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!

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(610): Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans! http://tfl.nu/q5t9

Replies (8) Good night (1764) Bad night (838)
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(954): View more from Florida

I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

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(954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv

Replies (9) Good night (3860) Bad night (825)
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(406): View more from Montana

You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.

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(406): You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior. http://tfl.nu/tu51

Replies (6) Good night (1652) Bad night (1366)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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(508): Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed? http://tfl.nu/6lho

Replies (10) Good night (2219) Bad night (889)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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(304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q

Replies (16) Good night (2665) Bad night (760)
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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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(330): i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals http://tfl.nu/vtga

Replies (1) Good night (855) Bad night (403)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from

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(864): I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from http://tfl.nu/mmap

Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (588)
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(626): View more from California

i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?

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(626): i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning? http://tfl.nu/2863

Replies (2) Good night (886) Bad night (351)
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(541): View more from Oregon

He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter

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(541): He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter http://tfl.nu/mn2b

Replies (5) Good night (866) Bad night (267)

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