Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

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  (615): yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom. (702): Bro... we didn't even hang out last night?? http://tfl.nu/2ylu
  Replies (10) Good night (2247) Bad night (739)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

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  (815): i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed. http://tfl.nu/wp0k
  Replies (68) Good night (868) Bad night (9812)
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  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7533) Bad night (1237)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.

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  (484): I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/prts
  Replies (15) Good night (4965) Bad night (1327)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

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  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1535) Bad night (7402)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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  (270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6
  Replies (8) Good night (5327) Bad night (1497)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.

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  (317): Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/d60f
  Replies (15) Good night (3015) Bad night (739)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.

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  (253): I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE. http://tfl.nu/sorm
  Replies (7) Good night (1689) Bad night (530)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.

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  (304): Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms. http://tfl.nu/onlr
  Replies (5) Good night (1962) Bad night (418)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?

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  (713): I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla? http://tfl.nu/e5jq
  Replies (8) Good night (1257) Bad night (264)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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  (336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39
  Replies (1) Good night (262) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have poison ivy on my dick

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  WHAT

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  (870): I have poison ivy on my dick (1-870): WHAT http://tfl.nu/5c6b
  Replies (8) Good night (308) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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  (816): I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo. http://tfl.nu/f2jj
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (259)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.

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  (716): He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do. http://tfl.nu/0qz8
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.

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  (703): There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits. http://tfl.nu/9vrk
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (583)

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