omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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