i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
