You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
