he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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