Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
