My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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