it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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