she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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