I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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