I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
