i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
