I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
