they need to just BURY HIM!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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