My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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