you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
