If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
