rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
