You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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