Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
