he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
