im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
