I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
