he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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