if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
