u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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