She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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