You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
