I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
