its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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