Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
