she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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