i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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