the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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