I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
